09. On being a rising senior
Because honestly, it doesn't feel real.
Welcome to Diaries of a High Schooler!
Hello, and welcome to Diaries of a High Schooler! For those of you who are new here, hi! I’m Madison, and I’m a rising senior in high school. Writing that does not feel real, but it is. As you can tell from the title, I got my first college decision just over 72 hours ago as of writing this, which is surreal, honestly.
On my freshman year (and how clueless I was)
Freshman year me was… something, that’s for sure. I found an old document from my freshman year, and my goals were listed as follows:
Get a 3 on the WHAP (AP World History exam), maybe more
Try to get on the honor roll
Do well in all my classes
And, sorry to spoil things early, but all three of those happened. By the end of my freshman year. I also said I wanted to be an actress or musician, which is still technically true, but ultimately, I will not be going to college to pursue either of those. In terms of colleges I wanted to attend, I mentioned Columbia or NYU, which is still true, as I do want to attend NYU.
But I will give her credit where credit is due, and that’s that she knew what she wanted. For the most part. I mean, she knew what classes she wanted to take… mostly! I mean, she didn’t want to take AP Seminar (which I won’t spoil, but if you read Diary Entry 03 or Diary Entry 04, you know what happened), which is the prerequisite for AP Research. Honestly, she wasn’t entirely sure what she was doing, and that’s OK, because honestly, what freshman genuinely knows what they’re going to do the next 4 years, let alone the 4 years in college?
On how sophomore year changed my life
Sophomore year was probably the year when I realized what I wanted to do with my life. It was also this year that I met many of the people who are now large parts of my support system. Honestly, I loved virtually all of my teachers this year, and yes, I did end up taking AP Seminar and falling in love with it.
If you want more specific details about AP Seminar + AP Capstone as a whole, you can read Diary Entry 03, which goes into a lot more detail about my experience and what I learned from it. But there are also two more people whom I want to talk about that I haven’t talked about as much, who were genuinely the most helpful ever:
My Algebra 2 teacher. Helped me through SO many anxiety and panic attacks that I had. Yes, I am fine now, but sophomore year me was dealing with a lot.
My APUSH teacher. For some context, and the people who may be confused about this, I had him sophomore year for US History Honors, along with APUSH. I know I talked about him quite a bit in Diary Entry 04 (more specifically, in the sections AP Exam Season: April of ‘25, How to Survive the Month of May: A Very Comprehensive Guide, Did That Really Happen? (Part 1: May 1-5), Did That Really Happen? (Part 2: May 6-8), and APUSH Exam Day (May 9). You’ll also hear more about him later as well.
My therapist. I started with her in February of 2024, and she helped me so much with all the craziness that was sophomore year.
My guard family. I discussed them in a lot more detail in Diary Entry 02, but sophomore year was my favorite season of guard, hands down. Things were incredible then, and if you’d like to read more about that, I strongly suggest reading Diary Entry 02.
But it was also this year when I realized that I wanted to major in communications. Well, mostly. I took a Social Media Marketing class with one of my very good friends and fell in love and realized that that was what I wanted to do. Shoutout to my teacher for that class, who probably isn’t reading this, but on the off chance you are, thank you for making me realize that yes, I wanted to do this with myself.
Wait, do I actually want to do this?
During the first semester of junior year, I decided to take an intro to marketing course. I mean, I had loved social media marketing, so what could go wrong? Spoiler alert: Marketing is not as easy as they make it look. Taking said class also made me wonder, “Do I really want to do this with my life?” The entire time, I was planning to major in marketing, but then I realized I just wasn’t as interested as I thought I was in marketing, and that I was way more interested in social media marketing rather than traditional marketing, sparking my interest in communications.
This year, I also was really lucky to have a lot of my former teachers or teachers I absolutely loved. I had my APUSH teacher the year prior for US History Honors, my AP Research teacher for English 1 Honors my freshman year, and my Health teacher for Driver’s Ed, along with the fact that she’s my neighbor, so I see her all the time.
On the end of junior year (Part 1)
Having teachers I previously had or loved was incredible for me, especially because junior year was really hard, especially as we got to AP exam season. For those of you who have been here before, you’ve already heard this part of the story, so I apologize because you’ve likely heard this story several times now.
However, for those of you who are new here, I had 2 losses in my family within 2 weeks. The first one was on April 8 of this year, which upended the plans I had made for all three of my AP classes. For AP Lang, I had been planning to write a practice essay that week, which ended up being scrapped and then transformed into what can best be described as a Dunkin-fueled, sleep-deprived paragraph of me half ranting about the situation, half talking about what I did, which wasn’t much.
What do I do now?
In terms of APUSH, not much was really impacted, except for my plan to start exam prep, as the exam was on May 9, and I had wanted to start prepping a month before. Spoiler alert: Prepping a month before did not happen, largely because I was so exhausted from this first loss.
The place where it hit the worst, though, was AP Research. The first loss took place just 2 days before my final presentation, worth 25% of my exam score, was set to take place. Me, being sleep-deprived and running on what I believe to be sheer willpower and Dunkin, knew that I just had to make it to the 10th and I would be fine. I would also like to thank her and the entire research panel for pushing my presentation back with, realistically speaking, less than 24 hours’ notice, because it made things a little bit easier in an otherwise sucky time.
How to Survive the Month of May: An Updated and Very Comprehensive Guide
Step 1: Celebrate AP Research being done by getting Munchkins for your friends and your entire AP Research class because they love food.
Step 2: Attempt to exist in the hallway in peace, listening to your music, only to be interrupted by your APUSH teacher bolting down the E stairwell, crown in hand.
Step 3: Realize you’re probably going to miss precalc because you get extended time for your APUSH exam, which is a huge win. Celebrate accordingly and proclaim that you are, in fact, so back.
Step 4: Pass your precalc quiz that you thought you were going to fail.
Step 5: Realize that your APUSH teacher is planning something, then proceed to get increasingly sick as you cram.
Step 6: Blast your old guard coach’s playlist, because it’s grounding.
Step 7: Instead of last-minute studying, throw some makeup on because you’re having a rosacea flare-up at 7 in the morning.
Step 8: Run around the school attempting to find your APUSH teacher, even though he was right there the whole time, and that you do, in fact, actually need your glasses.
Step 9: Realize that you are being escorted to your APUSH exam by Captain America at 7:20 in the morning, and that this is not, in fact, a fever dream. This is reality.
Step 10: Blast the Original Broadway Cast Recording for Maybe Happy Ending in your AirPods because you are a theater kid and this is your last-ditch attempt to ground yourself, because you are about two seconds away from ripping your hair out.
Step 11: Realize that all your nervousness was for nothing because the test was easy and you did fine.
Step 12: Skip your precalc class and instead, go up with two of your friends to crash your APUSH teacher’s prep and talk about the exam with him.
Step 13: Book a vacation anywhere in Europe. (Kidding, please do not do this. But if you do, can you pack me in your suitcase, please?)
Step 14: Get a post-exam treat (preferably Dunkin) because you want to treat yourself.
Step 15: Talk to anyone and everyone in your family who will listen about your exam and what you just went through.
Step 16: Freak out over the poor AP Seminar kids, since there was an evacuation during their exam.
Step 17: Survive the first rehearsal of marching band somehow.
Step 18: Freak out as you realize that your AP Lang exam was pushed back, and that May 15th is no longer your Day of Freedom, which is what you’ve called it for the past month or so.
Step 19: Take your AP Lang exam, realize you did fine, and that you were just bored with the passages.
Step 20: Breathe, celebrate once more, because you survived AP exam season. Good job!
Step 21: Apply to your state school because the application is free right now, and you actually like them.
Step 22: Survive the Memorial Day Parade. Guilt-trip yourself over having to ignore your then 9-year-old cousin, even though you did nothing wrong, and you were trying to not whack someone in the head.
Step 23: Run around the high school during the lip dub because you want to do multiple clubs in one day. Yes, this is a true story.
Step 24: Buy a big bag of Nerds Gummy Clusters and more Munchkins. Question if the employees at Dunkin know you (or your mom) by name yet.
Step 25: Scream-sing Hot To Go by Chappell Roan with a 6-foot flag in hand. Question if you saw your AP Seminar teacher, or if you’re just crazy. Put glitter everywhere.
Step 26: Eat a ton of Nerds Gummy Clusters in the guard closet.
Step 27: Film some self-tapes and hope for the best.
How to Survive the Month of June: A Pretty Comprehensive Guide (but not as comprehensive as May’s)
Step 1: Ask yourself what America means to you, only to then yap and trauma dump to your APUSH teacher.
Step 2: Hang out with all your friends during the final day of lip dub recording. Yap to APUSH teacher about freshmen and how they’re annoying.
Step 3: Start writing your college essay. Edit it about ten thousand times, or at least, it feels like that many times.
Step 4: Go to the teacher talent show with your friends, then go to Applebee’s immediately after.
Step 5: Tell the AP Seminar kids how to survive AP Research.
Step 6: Survive your two finals. Complain about how you think you failed them as much and as often as you want.
Step 7: Celebrate passing your two finals, because you thought you were going to fail them.
Step 8: Beg all your teachers to sign your yearbook. Repeat process with friends.
Step 9: Realize you got into the NYC workshop. Celebrate and grab Dunkin!
Step 10: Put your feet up for a few days, because you survived junior year! Congrats!
Step 11: Somehow handle 11 kids that are pretty young with 3 of your best friends, and one of your newest friends.
Step 12: Realize that you can say things about the workshop now, but you are currently drenched because water wars got a bit chaotic.
Step 13: Celebrate being done with your kids with your friends.
Step 14: Relax for the rest of the month because you deserve it.
How to Survive the Month of May (Part 1: Steps 1-5)
First step: AP Research is done. One down, two to go. Munchkins are always so good, especially because my classmates love them.
Second step: If you know me, you know I love listening to my music in the hallways right before my first afternoon class. However, what I was not expecting to see was my APUSH teacher, crown in hand, bolting down the E (aka English and sort of art wing) stairwell. It was because of the AP Euro exam, but I was clueless at the time. But it did confirm that he was planning something for APUSH; I just didn’t know what.
Third step: I am not a STEM person, unlike my brother. When I realized that I might just be able to miss precalculus that day, I was very happy, because what teenager wouldn’t want to skip one of their classes and instead be able to do a whole post-exam debrief with their friends and their APUSH teacher? Also, be sure to proclaim to everyone that your life is great and that you’re, in my own words, “so back”.
Fourth step: Realize you passed your precalc quiz that you thought you were going to fail. Celebrate accordingly, even though you got a 70, which is the bare minimum passing score.
Fifth step: Realize that your APUSH teacher is planning something, but you don’t know what. The day before our exam, our APUSH teacher posted this:
“LETS US ALL MEET IN THE LOBBY TOMORROW MORNING AND MARCH TO THE AP TEST TRIUMPHANTLY”
His words, not mine.
This is when I realized he was planning something. I also did some last-minute cramming (even though I had already studied), felt a little sick, and decided that to solve said problem, I would go on a walk. Was the walk good? Yes, because fresh air is good. Did it solve said problem? Not really.
How to Survive the Month of May: APUSH Exam Day Edition (Part 2: Steps 6-10)
Sixth step: I made a super long playlist for my old guard coach back in April of 2024, after I found out he was leaving us. In my attempt to cope with that, I decided to make a playlist, which I have used before every rehearsal, every competition, anytime something important happens. It’s very grounding and super helpful, so good job, sophomore year me!
Seventh step: I was having a really, really bad rosacea flare that day that I really didn’t want anyone seeing, so I threw on some tinted moisturizer and some concealer so that I wouldn’t get any questions about why my skin looked so bad.
Eighth step: Run around the school attempting to find your APUSH teacher, even though he was in the commons the entire time, and that, yes, you do need your glasses. I had forgotten to put my glasses on that morning, and I couldn’t find him in the commons, where we were supposed to meet. So, out of my anxiety and an attempt to find him, I ran around the entire school with my friends.
Ninth step: Eventually, I got back to the commons, which is when I realized that I was being escorted by Captain America to my APUSH exam at 7:20 in the morning. This is also when I realized just how grateful I was to be 5 foot 1 (yes, I am short) so that I could just sneak into the crowd without being noticed.
Tenth step: After giving one of my friends that look (yes, you know the one), the Original Broadway Cast recording for Maybe Happy Ending, one of my favorite shows, came on. (As I write this, it’s on right now!), so I blasted that and attempted to ground myself, because I was so ridiculously nervous and probably about 2 seconds away from wanting to rip my hair out from sheer nerves and overstimulation.
How to Survive the Month of May: APUSH Exam Day Edition, The Sequel (Part 3: Steps 11-15)
Eleventh step: Realize that all your freaking out was for nothing, because you did fine on the exam. The questions were pretty easy, and you definitely passed, so you’re fine. I would also like to thank the version of me who decided cramming was a good idea, because it worked well in this case.
Twelfth step: By this point, I hadn’t had any food since about 6 something, so I had some food, and after I ate, two of my friends and I decided to skip class and go talk to my APUSH teacher instead, which was so fun because we just talked about the exam.
Thirteenth step: During said conversation, one of my friends was talking about how she was going to Europe, and that led me to want to go to Europe too, even though I had been last summer to Portugal and Spain for two weeks.
Fourteenth step: Get a post-exam treat. If you know me even a little bit, or you have been here before, I think you can guess what I got to celebrate. And if you guessed Dunkin, then congratulations, you are correct. I also decided that Dunkin should sponsor me. (Kidding, this is a joke. Unless…)
Fifteenth step: Tell anyone and everyone who would listen about the exam, because it’s a really funny and also somewhat confusing story, but it’s such a good story, so of course everyone needs to hear about it!
The End of AP Exam Season (Part 4: Steps 16-20)
Sixteenth step: During the AP Seminar exam (an exam I took in 2024), there was an evacuation, so I felt really bad for the poor AP Seminar kids, because I thought their exams were going to get cancelled or something. I don’t think they were, though, because I didn’t hear any of them complaining about the fact that their scores were cancelled.
Seventeenth step: Marching band started in May because we had to rehearse for a Memorial Day parade, so I had to survive the first rehearsal of that without my old guard director. (Not to be confused with the one from sophomore year - he is 1,000% alive and well, I saw him in April of 2025, which was great). If you want to hear more about guard, go read Diary Entry 02, because it goes into a lot more detail.
Eighteenth step: There was a massive Internet outage at my school, so my AP Lang exam and a bunch of others were pushed back, causing a bunch of the AP kids, myself included, to freak out. Turns out May 15th was not my day of freedom, huh?
Nineteenth step: On the rescheduled date, I did perfectly fine and I knew I had done well, which was good. The worst thing that happened was that I got bored with the passages, but I have ADHD, so I knew it was going to happen anyways.
Twentieth step: Congratulations, you survived AP Exam season! Get another round of Dunkin, because you deserve it. (Again, Dunkin, please sponsor me. I’m pretty sure the employees know me and/or my mom on a first name basis.)
How to Survive the Month of May (Part 5: Steps 21-25)
Twenty-first step: Apply to your state school. For some context, my state school has an early bird program where you can apply and get a decision before your senior year even starts, let alone before the majority of college applications open, so I decided to apply because it was free and I liked the school.
Twenty-second step: Survive the Memorial Day parade. I was in a Memorial Day parade for marching band, and my family attended with my 9-year-old cousin in tow, who was screaming my name in an attempt to get my attention. Me, being like “oh shoot, what do I do?”, decided to ignore it, because I was trying to focus on being on time and not whacking myself (or someone else) in the head.
Twenty-third step: My high school filmed a lip dub, which was cool, and was 3 whole days’ worth of filming. I wanted to be with multiple clubs, so I ended up running around the high school with one of the physics teachers and my friends, which was a lot more fun than I thought it would be.
Twenty-fourth step: We threw a party in AP Lang, so my idea was to get even more Munchkins and some Nerds Gummy Clusters, partly because my teacher has Celiac and partly because I was craving them. I also think the employees at Dunkin know both my mom and I by name.
Twenty-fifth step: The lip dub was filming again today, and this time, I was with guard, so I got to scream sing Hot To Go, while sweating like crazy, with a 6-foot flagpole in hand. It was so fun and so chaotic, and honestly, I love it so much. I also wasn’t sure if I had seen my AP Seminar teacher because I didn’t recognize him, and I realized, yet again, that I need my glasses. But in my defense, he looked way different, so cut me some slack! There was also glitter everywhere, which my poor parents questioned and were increasingly confused by.
How to Survive the Month of May (The Final Part: Steps 26 & 27)
Twenty-sixth step: Remember that bag of Nerds Gummy Clusters I mentioned earlier? Yeah, I left that in the guard closet, so I decided to have some more with my friends. One of my favorite moments of junior year, hands down.
The final step: Film two self tapes and hope for the best. I had two last minute auditions for some fun projects in NYC, so I had to film those, and all I could really do was hope for the best. More on those in a bit!
And with that, congratulations! You have survived the chaotic month of May, which included AP exam season, two days of filming the lip dub, and all the craziness that is known as May.
How to Survive the Month of June (Part 1: Steps 1-5)
First step: If you read my previous diary entry, then you know that for my APUSH final project, I had to write about what America meant to me. I questioned this a lot, and then I ended up yapping and trauma dumping a little bit. Sorry to my APUSH teacher!
Second step: I hung out with my friends for the final day of lip dub filming because I didn’t have anything to really do, and then I bumped into my APUSH teacher, where we talked about how the freshmen are all doing really stupid things. I mean, to be fair, I was stupid as a freshman, too.
Third step: Start writing your college essay. Edit it about ten thousand times, because you are so nitpicky, it’s bad, even though you did completely fine on it. Also, to the class of 2027 and beyond: Write your college essay early. You will thank yourself later. Trust me, I already am right now.
Fourth step: There was a teacher talent show for charity, and I decided to go with a bunch of my friends. It was pretty funny, and then I ended up going to Applebee’s with all my friends and getting a Shirley Temple. (The non-alcoholic kind, don’t worry!)
Fifth step: For AP Research, we had to film a survival guide, so I got to tell them how to survive AP Research. (PS: For anyone here who might be taking it - Snapchat is the answer for how to get participants. You’re welcome!)
How to Survive the Month of June (Part 2: Steps 6-10)
Sixth step: Survive your two finals. Because I took APUSH and AP Lang, I didn’t have finals for those classes, meaning I only had to take finals for precalculus and biology, and I genuinely believed I failed both of them, so I complained about how I was going to fail them.
Seventh step: Turns out I passed both of them, so I was pretty happy about that! I felt so much better knowing that I had passed them both, since it was a pretty big chunk of my grade, I’m not going to lie.
Eighth step: We got our yearbooks, so I begged all of my teachers (and friends) to sign it for me. This is also when I decided I was going to take AP Euro, because I love my APUSH teacher. Am I crazy for taking a third year with him? Maybe. Do I love him a lot? Yes, yes I do. And do I want my AP Lang teacher again? Of course I do!
Ninth step: Surprise! I got into a new musical workshop in NYC. I found out on the second to last day of my junior year, and it was so hard not being able to say anything to anyone. That’s also part of the reason I’ve been relatively quiet, because I’ve been sharing the news largely with family and friends.
Tenth step: Relax for a few days, because you’ve survived junior year! Genuinely, self-care is so important, and I needed it after all the work I’ve been doing in junior year. Make sure you take care of yourselves, too!
How to Survive the Month of June: The Final Week (Part 3: Steps 11-14)
Eleventh step: I was on camp counselor duty for a whole week with a bunch of my friends, and handling 11 kids is exhausting. How parents do it full time, I don’t think I’ll ever understand.
Twelfth step: Realize that you can announce the workshop publicly, but you are drenched, because you’re at the crew party, and water wars got chaotic fast. When I say I was drenched, I mean I was drenched.
Thirteenth step: The week flew by, and it was over. Celebrate with your friends accordingly!
Last step: Relax for the rest of the month, because you deserve to relax. And with that, congratulations, you have just survived the month of June and your junior year!
Where I was in the beginning of July
From the 1st-9th, I was on vacation in Chattanooga and Florida visiting family! It was so incredible, but it was so much driving. I think I was in the car for a total of 40 hours (home state to TN, TN to FL, FL to NC, NC to home state), but I had so much fun. Chattanooga was cute and was good for a day trip, and I loved exploring all the little shops in the area.
However, I also got to go to Disney. If you know me (or my family), then you know that I love Disney, and that my mom was formerly employed by Disney before I was born, so we are a Disney family. I joke that it runs in our blood, which is kind of true because I take on so much from my mom.
Disney was so magical and amazing, too. The waits weren’t too long at Magic Kingdom, which I loved, but it was so crowded at fireworks, I have never seen it that crowded in my life. I know I went on the 4th of July, so they had special fireworks for that, but my family and I were all so shocked by that.
Day 2 was Hollywood Studios, where we met up with my aunt and uncle whom I, at that point, hadn’t seen for at least 5-6 years. Seeing their reactions to the Star Wars rides were incredible, they had such good reactions. Beating my dad in Toy Story Mania twice was so worth it, because I am the self-proclaimed queen of Toy Story Mania.
I also got to see the new villains show as well, which was so good. In the words of Sage Starkey, one of the people who helped create the show (and he is also my hero! Sage, if you are reading this, thank you for all you do!), live entertainment is important! I got to ride virtually every ride that I wanted to get on, and I had so much fun. Also, ride Slinky Dog Dash at night because it is so much better that way. You will thank me later!
Day 3 was EPCOT day, and we got on all the rides with ridiculously short wait times, which surprised everyone, myself included. I think the longest wait we had was an hour for the Guardians of the Galaxy ride, but walking around the countries was so fun, and don’t get me started on the fireworks, because they were so incredible.
On our final full day, we did a resort day at the Polynesian, which was also the day I got my AP scores back. I passed all my exams and got a 4 on AP Lang, which I celebrated by getting a Stitch-themed Dole Whip, which was so so good. The room we got was stunning as well. I was in love. The Polynesian is so incredible, and I highly recommend staying in it if you’re able, because they treat you like ohana (which is family in Hawaiian), and I love it there.
We also got to do a character breakfast at Ohana, which I loved. For those of you who don’t know, I have a severe food allergy to tree nuts, and they went above and beyond to ensure I was safe. For starters, they inquired about my allergy several times, mostly during check-in and upon being seated. They also have allergy-friendly menus, and they ensured that the platter given to us was allergy-friendly, and they went above and beyond in ensuring that I was safe, so massive shoutout to the Ohana staff, because they are incredible.
I also got to meet Stitch, Lilo, Mickey, and Pluto, which I loved. If you know me, you know I love Stitch (to the point where I have a ton of Stitch Funkos, a Lego Stitch, a bunch of Stitch plushies in my room, a Stitch Loungefly, all because I had a whole phase in middle school revolving around Stitch, which is probably one of the better of my phases I’ve had growing up). I had so much fun, and I loved it so much.
On my first college decision
This still feels so surreal to me. Like, I genuinely cannot believe I’m writing this. Earlier in this diary entry, I mentioned that I had applied to my state school through their Early Bird program because it was free and I had liked them a lot. However, I was not expecting the decision to come that early, because it had said on their website that notifications would be sent out on July 15, and it was July 9.
I immediately told my mom to start recording this because I wanted it for a future college reaction video, and it went like this:
ME: I have… two bars. Bro. (For context: We were in the middle of what I think was Florida, and service wasn’t great.)
Why aren’t you loading?? (My email wasn’t loading, so I couldn’t get into the link to my portal)
OK wait. Are you going to load now? *it loads*
OK, now you’re finally gonna load, thank you!
OK hold on, I have to log in.
Reading from the site: A decision letter or correspondence has been posted. Please click here to view it.
OK wait… it’s *stutters* I’m scared!
MOM: OK. It’s OK if-
ME: I GOT IN! I GOT IN. I GOT IN. OH MY GOD, I GOT IN I GOT IN I GOT IN.
I GOT A PRESIDENTIAL SCHOLARSHIP! *gasping* Oh my God *gasping* I got- *gasping* I got into college- *gasping* Oh my- *gasping more*
MOM: OK, so what does that mean? (Referring to my presidential scholarship, but I was gasping and too shocked to realize she was referring to that)
ME: I got in!!
MOM: I know that, but what does that mean about the scholarship?
*end of recording*
So in short, I got into my first college, which is surreal and life-changing. With a scholarship. Someone pinch me, please! If you told younger me that she’d be going to college with a scholarship, she would think that you’re insane.
I also want to take a moment to thank you all so much for your support, because it truly means the world. Without you guys, I wouldn’t have the opportunity to do what I love, make it a career, and then get into college, which still feels surreal. I’m the luckiest girl in the world to have so many people supporting me, and I’m truly so grateful. So if you’re reading this, whether you’re a longtime reader or a new one, thank you!
Until next time,
Madison <3
Be proud of yourself! I wish I had half the perspective you do when I was your age 🩷